Greatness

I have been watching a documentary on the development of the atom bomb during world war II. In viewing the people who theorized the potential, engineered the facilities, recruited and mobilized the individuals needed for production and ultimately produced the bombs... I am ineffably amazed at humankind's abilities. As I awe over what others have done I become aware of a motivation within me which desires to captivate the same esteem which I presently feel for these great minds and bodies.

This desire I find within me, the desire to be great, is nothing new. In fact, when I hearken back to my most distant and cloudy memories I can recall this motivation propelling me to prove to the world that I am great even as a little boy. If my subjective recall of my attempts at greatness demonstrate any actual objective truth at all I find that I have been successful, even if only on a small scale, at reaching this goal. I remember my first effort in brilliance while in elementary school when I scored higher than anybody in my class on the Texas Academic Achievement Test (probably my first and last accolade of such rank in the scholarly realm). I remember my desire to be a renowned cowboy on a equine trail ride in Colorado by expectorating the biggest wad of spit amongst real cowboys, without the aid of chewing tobacco (they were impressed). I remember my motivation to be a feared force on the high school football field, despite my small frame, which earned me a plastic trophy honoring me as lineman of the year. I remember my motivation to prove to myself, and to others, that I was capable of earning a master's degree in a rigorous program despite my distaste for formalized academia. Finally I remember, in an attempt to impress my wife, moving an upright piano by myself to our new home.

Those are some of the more entertaining accomplishments that I have reached using my desire to be something great. The fact is, for me greatness has been a most powerful motivation in my life which I have used selfishly and ultimately frivolously in an effort to be renown. As I watched what others have done through this documentary and as I consider my own desire to do great things I have been humbled by a personal revelation that I have had...

Though we esteem and revere great men and women for their qualities, efforts, and accomplishments there are no great men nor women. That which we admire in those who withstand the memory of generations is that which we admire of a great God who works within us. He imparts his abilities on we meek, unmotivated, and sinful people to accomplish his goals of goodness. God, though capable of accomplishing his goals without external instruments, chooses to work through us because of His love for his creation. Through his grace and love He delegates tasks through us thoroughly demonstrating His fidelity to his beloved creation. If we acknowledge Him we therefore have a humble reliance and obligation to Him; whom without we are destined to futile exercises of selfishness. All of those whom we revere and all of what we hope to be are ever blessed with a debt of service to Him.

pottery

So... half a year later I thought of something to post about! But first an aside...

Immediately after creating my first blog I recognized a danger in broadcasting myself on the World Wide Web. The narcissist inside of me became very excited about the prospect of having a forum with which to run wild and attempt to write myself into the minds of others as a deeply thoughtful person (case in point... thinking that my writing might actually be able to achieve such a thing!). I have dwelt on this for some time and I have come to realize that I AM a deeply thoughtful person and that IS a glorious thing. However, that glory is not for my narcissism, but it instead belongs to the glorious God who created me in his own image. Indeed (to dethrone narcissism itself) we are all uniquely crafted by our glorious God to display glorious aspects of him to each other and we must give thanks for his fingerprints which we and those around us cannot help but display. What an amazing and creative way our God has chosen to reveal himself to us! I believe it is our task to search ourselves for that which belongs to him and to take great joy in it. Secondly, it is also our task to search others for what belongs to him and to take great joy in them as well. And finally, which brings me to what I originally sought to post, it is our charge to search ourselves for that which does not belong to God and to separate it from our being. I am talking of sin.

Sin is in all of us. You may be thinking, "duh!" Forgive me for speaking so plainly. I am attempting to lay a foundation and foundations are very basic, but important. I am struck by the implications that even one sin holds for an individual created to reflect ONLY what God has intended that individual to reflect. For even one "small" sin is flaw which compromises the entirety of an individual created to reflect only that which God has intended. I find it akin to the implications of a single pocket of air in a clay vessel as it is forged in a kiln. The pocket of air, when introduced to the heat intended to bring the clay vessel to its completion, will pressurize and then explode reducing the vessel to useless fragments. We are filled with pockets of air, and the kiln awaits.

Fortunately, God has not yet chosen to put me into the kiln. Instead he has wet me with his Holy Spirit, making me malleable again. With his hands, he has reduced me to a lump of clay softening all of the hard parts and making them shapeable. He is casting me against his table and wedging out my pockets of air, which would otherwise destroy me. He is shaping me into a vessel, which will one day be forged by his Holy fire, and I will forever reflect his good work. God does this because Christ came to claim me for glory.

This talk of potter and clay is of course an analogy and does not provide the whole picture, though I believe it to be very true of our state and God's work in our lives. However, unlike clay, we participate in our sanctification. As I proposed earlier, it is our charge to search ourselves for that which does not belong to God and to separate it from our being. The posts to follow will focus on this task and the first area I will seek to explore is the air pockets in our sexuality.

I am twenty four years old, which is young in my perspective, but still... I am over a quarter of the way through an average healthy lifespan. I have been to many places and have resided in four different states for at least five years each. These facts are nothing unusual. The other day I talked with a woman, not much older than I, who had lived in over 25 different homes. Conversely, I am sure there are many who have only lived under one roof, though I have never met one.

What I find remarkable about looking for a place to "be" is that I never quite arrive there. I would argue that this nomadic existence is a universal condition. Though there are people who seem to abide quite well, I expect that if they examined themselves honestly they would find discomfort in their "being" and yearning to "be" something or somewhere different while unable to do so.

Were this the substance of my life I would consider it a tragedy.

Fortunately, I do have a home and I am on my way there. My Father in heaven has prepared a place for me and while I am here there is work to do. My intention for this blog is to share the experiences of my journey; my excitement, my pains, and my discoveries of being on the way home.